Genuine Curiosity

Author Dwayne Melancon is always on the lookout for new things to learn. An ecclectic collection of postings on personal productivity, travel, good books, gadgets, leadership & management, and many other things.

 

The accidental commitment

I've been involved in a number of situations recently (in fact, I am responsible for creating some of them) in which commitments were made or implied out of politeness. Being polite is a good thing, of course, but politely taking on a commitment you really shouldn't have made brings trouble.

Whether you call it politeness, civility, diplomacy, or something else, I'm beginning to realize that I've been allowing politeness to trump more important values like integrity and passion.

Some of this is due to conflict avoidance, some due to the inconvenience factor or the desire to be liked. In essence, it ends up being 'conflict deferral.' 

For me, none of these commitments are disastrous but it still bugs me that I have a habit of making or implying commitments that I later regret. Obviously, this is not all that helpful to me or the folks on the other end of the commitment.

This is an insidious thing - seems so innocent at the time, seems so painful downstream. I am now resolving to be more aware of the commitments I make so I can be true to my own integrity. Now, I just need to come up with some triggers or reminders to help me recognize when I've crossed the line, so I can take some preventive action.

What about you? Ever have issues with this? How do you catch yourself in the act? I'd love to hear your stories - especially if you have some solutions.

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Take responsibility for your own well-being

Earlier this week, I talked about pretending you create everything that happens to you as an approach to break out of unproductive loops when you feel victimized by things outside your control.

In a conversation I had last night, I was reminded that there is more to it than coming up with options. You have to be willing to do something - take a different action - to change your current situation.

I often encourage (prod?) my kids to "take responsibility for your own well-being." That can be a hard thing to do, particularly if the inhibitor you're dealing with is your ego or sense of security.

When I'm dealing with my own internal struggles, I have found that creating a forcing event or external commitment works pretty well to get me through it. I am also getting better at asking people for help.

It's tougher when I'm acting as a coach to someone else - in spite of logic, common sense, etc. the ego and sense of self-preservation often make it more attractive for people to stick with the status quo.

I try to help people talk through the issues, and offer to help when they are ready to move to the next step. It doesn't always work.

What do you do in those situations? I'd love to hear about what's in your toolkit.

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Blog Review: Ripples

In the spirit of Rosa's Talking Story, today I am reviewing David St. Lawrence's blog, Ripples. This evening, I clicked into Ripples and started reading. The thought for the day was the first thing that caught my eye:

"You are far more capable than you let yourself believe."

Next, I read several articles, and instantly became hooked. "OK - who is this guy?"  So, I checked out his Why I Write page to see what makes him tick. An excerpt:


"I've always noticed patterns in life and in the world around me and tried, often without success, to communicate to others what I saw...

"What you read is my effort to communicate these observations in a way that can be understood and be experienced easily... I write to stimulate thought and possible action, not to prescribe to others what they should believe."

As another one of the "pattern seekers" of the world, that resonates very strongly with me; time to read further.

I love The Quest For Fire, which likens blogging to the discovery and early use of fire. David colorfully explains how blogs, like fire, can be powerful tools or dangerous implements - particularly when you don't fully understand what they can do. He calls blogs "the current equivalent of harnessed fire." What an image.

Another terrific series of posts shows up in You Don't Need Permission To Create, which is all about unlocking your gifts and sharing them with the world. My favorite line: "If you elect to follow experts and do not wish to create on your own until you are expert, you have little chance to ever excel." Amen, David!

There are lots of things we can learn from David. He posts on a broad array of topics including philosophy, blogging tips, Chernobyl, social issues (including how blogging can help), business, communications, life after leaving the corporate world, and more.

I highly recommend spending a few minutes (every day) on Ripples - it's a very uplifting place to spend some time. Thanks for the oasis, David.

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[Updated] A map for easier performance reviews

[Updated July 2007 to correct broken links]

I'm in the midst of writing annual reviews. For the managers that report to me, I typically ask for input from people in their teams, people they interact with, and customers they work with. This is a great process, as you end up with a lot of different perspectives, stories, suggestions, kudos, etc.

One of my challenges in the past has been summarizing that in a concise, meaningful way. This year it was so much easier - it's the first year I used MindManager to organize the input.

I created a basic template to categorize and summarize the input and stories. Using this template, it was very easy to collect the information, and organize the information into summary "themes." You can download the template here: PersonnelReviewTemplate.mmap (16 KB).

I organized each person's input into three top level categories: input from their own department, input from other departments (I included customers in this category), and my own perspectives as a sort of summary.

Under each of these major categories, I created a branch for what they do well, and a branch for areas for improvement. I included stories and meaningful quotes from the feedback I received.

Then, as I wrote the review I had a handy reference catalog on each person. This made it easy to find relevant examples - for example, if I wanted to talk about the person's performance with regard to follow-through and effective communications, I could quickly scan the map and pull out a few nuggets along with an example or a quote for emphasis.

This year, I found that this method made it much easier to write these reviews. I also have a one-page summary of the input that I can keep on hand to refresh my memory as I develop coaching plans for the coming year. I think this approach will be part of my toolkit from now on.

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