Genuine Curiosity

Author Dwayne Melancon is always on the lookout for new things to learn. An ecclectic collection of postings on personal productivity, travel, good books, gadgets, leadership & management, and many other things.

 

Cold feet in England

I’m traveling in

England

this week, and am wondering what the deal is with duvets.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with duvets, they are like a comforter with a cover on them.

They are quite comfortable, very warm, and all that.  However, in the hotels in Europe, they are used as the only top cover on a bed.  This creates two problems for me:

1)      Temperature regulation issues

2)      Cold feet

With regard to temperature regulation, I favor the layered approach of American bedding – a bottom sheet, a top sheet, then a bedspread, comforter, and/or blanket.  Like layered clothing, this provides a large range of adjustability to accommodate various temperatures.  In European hotels, I get the same duvet all year round and it’s either on or off.  That’s just not enough choice for me.

The cold feet come about because the duvet isn’t generally tucked in at the bottom (and if I tuck it in, it’s too short.  I’m 6 feet, 4 inches tall (193cm) so my feet tend to hand out the bottom of the duvet so I get cold feet.

I’d love a middle-ground approach – give me a top sheet between that bottom sheet and the duvet, and I’d be golden.  Especially if I could tuck it in.

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[Updated] Review: "Danger - Quicksand - Have A Nice Day

[Note: Update is at the end of the review]

I've just finished reading David St. Lawrence's book "Danger Quicksand - Have A Nice Day." After reviewing David's blog, Ripples, I found out he'd published the book and I ordered it. After I placed the order, I read the cautionary post on the Bent Crow Press site. I began to brace myself as the book came to me via the US Postal service.

I'm very happy with my job and company at the moment, so I tried to read it with the lens of someone in a job that's sucking the life out of them and negatively impacting work/life balance (yes, I have those memories and can draw on them vividly when I choose).

To me, the book felt like a journey seen through David's eyes. The book begins with a primer on how to determine whether your job truly is a pit of despair. During this portion of the book, I was a bit unnerved by David's cynical tone - perhaps the old feelings were becoming too vivid... He calls them like he sees them, and his unvarnished observations were eerily close to some of the experiences I've had.

Suddenly I realized, "Wait - this is Quicksand. Don't fight it, you'll only make it worse." I pressed on - and I'm glad I did. The cold sweats were worth it. I feel I got a glimpse of the pain and frustration David experienced while trying to be effective in dysfunctional environments.

The book then moves in to the "OK, so do something about it." phase. The next several chapters deal with creating your exit strategy so you can move out of bad situations with as much dignity as possible. There are also pointers on how to recognize when your employer has flipped the bozo bit on you, in which case it's time to start updating your resume' - and fast.

Once you get out of the pit (regardless of how you leave), the book talks about how to get to the next phase of your life. In this section, the positive side of David's philosophy really comes through. These chapters are all about what to do next, how to take responsibility for your post-Corporate existence, and how to create a new reality in which you can work with integrity, fulfillment, and life satisfaction.

If you (or a friend) are working in a dysfunctional environment, this book can help you move on to a better situation. If you are having a tough time finding a new job after leaving you old job, the last 1/3 of this book provides great methods to lift your spirits, design and define your 'dream job.'

There is also an interesting section on how to start a "micro business" and some terrific insight on working for yourself.

In summary, I liked it. This book is unique blend of dry wit, cynicism, and practical advice. If you work in a dysfunctional company, or have unexpectedly lost your job, I recommend this book. David's hard-won lessons may be what you need to get up the gumption to move on sooner rather than later.

Update: July 10, 2005

This past week, I recommended David's book to a guy I met who feels like he is either a) being set up to fail, or b) hung out to dry in his current job. I think there are some great techniques to help him in these pages.

Like Bren at Slacker Manager, I yearn for an index so I could just point people at specific topics. Also like Bren, I think this book works better when you're having less-than-ideal work experiences. If your job sucks, this book could be just what you need to get yourself out of the pit of despair.

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Spheres of influence

It seems that a lot of the people I spend time with are trying different approaches and systems to get more control of their time.  If you've visited me here very often you'll know I'm one of those people, as well.  I’m feeling philosophical at the moment (and a bit verbose), and asking myself a hard question:

When you manage to free up some time, what will you do with it?

I’ve traditionally spent my ‘spare time’ on things closer to home (including lots of selfish things).  I've decided to challenge myself to expand the value of where I spend that time, and have developed a sort of model to help me evaluate my choices. 

I think of this in terms of concentric layers of a sphere; hence the “spheres of influence.”

Self

Invest some of your time in your health, your skills, and do things to make your lot in life more enjoyable.  This is the "pay yourself first" approach - your health and well being must be maintained, or not much else will matter.

 

Faith

Faith, religion, or core beliefs are important to most of us.  Spend time on these things and they will help you strive for greater things.  The time you spend here will also flavor what you do in the layers farther out.

 

Family

Invest time with your loved ones by taking an interest in what they do, and sharing what you do with them.  Be genuine and transparent, and strive to teach them with patience and understanding.  Learn from each other in good times and bad.  Establish traditions and create common goals.

 

Friends and community

Spend time with friends that share your interests.  Spend more time with those that lift you up, and less time with those that bring you down.  Challenge each other, support each other, and gather together to increase your influence.

Community can mean many things:  your neighborhood, your company, virtual communities (such as the blogsphere), your city, your church, and more. 

Spend your time on things that make a positive difference in your community.  Share what you know and what you have for the greater good.

Influence your communities to engage in activities that provide value beyond themselves (into other spheres and communities).

 

Country

An extended form of community, your country deserves its own category.  It represents a wide array of values, priorities, challenges, and opportunities – all mingled together in an interdependent system.

Some spend their time in formal service to their countries.  Others become active in politics or civil rights.  We all contribute (or detract) based on how we honor (or dishonor) the norms of society within our country.

 

World and planet

Whether we like it or not, we’re all part of the world, and our actions, decisions, tolerance, and intolerance flavor the world community.

Our decisions about politics, consumption habits, morality, and other choices we make all have implications to the world, and the planet upon which we live.  Spending time on improving the state of world relations, the environment, or other large-scale issues can have far-reaching effects.

The model above is just one way of thinking about your spheres of influence, as each of us has our own way to defining our existence in relation to others.  It’s kind of abstract, so why would I bring it up at all?  (It’s not because Portland is the meth capital of the world, either.)

I have been reflecting on the areas of my life from which I derive the most satisfaction, and I realize I get the most out of activities that positively address multiple spheres of influence.  For example, I have mentioned in the past that I am active as a leader in the Boy Scouts of America program.  This rewards me on many levels:

Self

I become better at leadership, improve my skills in many areas, and participate in fun physical activities.

 

Faith

“Duty to God” is part of the Boy Scout oath, and observance of faith (multidenominational) is a part of the program.

 

Family

I get to spend time with my son, and am able to help him learn.  He is a Patrol Leader, and it is great to see him develop his leadership skills.

 

Friends and community

I have made many new friends, and we frequently engage in community service projects.  I also strive to be a positive example for boys without strong male role models.

I’ve found that I learn more by teaching, and I have the opportunity to teach boys within the troop about many things.  This often requires me to learn more so I can be an effective teacher.

 

Country

The Scouts encourage the boys to learn about their country, and understand how to be responsible citizens.

 

World and planet

There is strong emphasis within the Scouting program to be a responsible shepherd of the planet, with mantras like “Leave No Trace” and teaching Scouts the Outdoor Code so they will learn respect for nature.

And, I like to think my support of Scouting is helping more boys become responsible contributors within the world.

I also believe that long term success requires us to impart a measure of balance on what we do.  This is nothing new – take workaholism, for example. 

·         Workaholics work too much, which means they spend too much time focusing on a specific type of Community.

·         Working too much means they neglect  Family, and their home life and family relationships suffer.

·         Working too much causes them to neglect Self, so they become sick and/or stressed out.

Live like this long enough, and they become sick enough that they can no longer spend all their time on work.  Congratulations, workaholic, your body’s just done an intervention!  And your family may be so hacked off at you, that you won’t get much help.  Not good.

Whether or not you agree with the labels I used for my “spheres of influence” model, we all operate within something akin to this.  To increase your enjoyment and sense of accomplishment in the world, think about how you use your discretionary time and try to make more choices that take you to a larger sphere of influence. 

In the spirit of my mantra of “Take responsibility for your own well being,” find activities that influence you on multiple layers at once.  I think you’ll find it worthwhile.

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