Genuine Curiosity

Author Dwayne Melancon is always on the lookout for new things to learn. An ecclectic collection of postings on personal productivity, travel, good books, gadgets, leadership & management, and many other things.

 

Product Warnings for Physicists - Part 2

Back for another round, here are the remainder of the product warnings for physicists, shared here for your viewing pleasure.

NOTE: The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a "gluing" force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

ATTENTION: Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of 99.9999999999% empty space.

NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this product is ten-dimensional. However, the consumer is reminded that this confers no legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional objects, since the seven new dimensions are "rolled up" into such a small "area" that they cannot be detected.

PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will only exist in a vague and undetermined state.

COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence or functionality of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.

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Product Warnings for Physicists - Part 1

I stumbled across an old file on my hard drive today that brought back a chuckle.  It was kind of like finding quarters between the cushions of the couch.  Back in the day, I used to print these out on adhesive labels and apply them to various pieces of office equipment, devices, and things like that.

I have no idea where they came from (I didn’t write them, but I wish I did).  For now, I’ll just share a few of them here:

WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

CAUTION: This product contains minute, electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of Heisenberg's "Uncertainty Principle," it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as "tunneling," this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to certain suggested versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact Antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.

PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

HEALTH WARNING: Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass (and thus its weight) is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.

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Breaking the silence...

Well, after a week with no internet access, I'm breaking the silence.  As I mentioned when I was posting from England, last week I rushed to Louisiana where my father-in-law had a dismal health prognosis (viral encephalitis, with recovery very unlikely).

First, I want to thank all of you who sent me your wishes, prayers, and supportive messages during the last week (I did have access to email, thanks to my Crackberry).

I'm happy to report that my father-in-law is doing much better than anyone predicted.  He's breathing on his own, talking, recognizes the family, and expected to leave the ICU after the weekend. 

There is still a long road ahead of him and it'll be weeks (if not months) before they can accurately gauge the long term effects of this bout with encephalitis.  But he's still with us and he's getting better.

Never underestimate the power of the human spirit.

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Another day of London bombings

A couple of days ago, I posted about how odd it felt to get on the train across the tracks from the Finsbury Park mosque. On Thursday morning on the way into London, I was on the same platform and decided to take a picture to show it to you (the red arrow in the picture points to the dome of the mosque).

Later that day, there were 4 more bombing incidents in London. That made it challenging to get around for quite some time, but my colleague and I diligently stayed focused on our lives in the midst of the chaos, taking cabs all over the place to get around the fact that the Underground was shut down. Here is a picture I took with my phone from one of the cabs - I picked it because of the great slogan on the side of the cab (click the image for the full view).

We managed to keep our appointments for the rest of the day, and were even on time or early for them (no easy trick since the addresses were scattered all over London).

Terrorism is barbaric and infuriating. I think it's the ultimate in cowardice.

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A sobering reminder

Today, I rode the train into

London

for some meetings.  One of the transfers I made was at

Finsbury

Park

station.  While standing on the platform, I could see the top of the mosque they raided recently and found a cache of weapons back in 2003.  This is the same mosque that’s been linked to other terrorist activities in the past (the shoe bomber Richard Reid used to go there, for example). 

Certainly made for an odd feeling getting on the train, particularly amidst the announcements about service disruptions due to the July 7th bombings.

Britain is strong and won't be broken, that's for sure.

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