Genuine Curiosity

Author Dwayne Melancon is always on the lookout for new things to learn. An ecclectic collection of postings on personal productivity, travel, good books, gadgets, leadership & management, and many other things.

 

Awesome “give & get” opportunity

beyondcode_new In my last post, I reviewed Rajesh Setty’s book, Upbeat.  Well, I finally got around to subscribing to his new newsletter and was pleasantly surprised that this entitled me to download a PDF copy of his book, “Beyond Code” (which I’ve also reviewed).

This is a phenomenal example of “give & get” – you give Rajesh permission to keep in touch with you in his newsletters, and you get a free copy of a very powerful book.

By the way – I just realized it’s been over 3½ years since I first read Beyond Code, and I still feel its impact.  I have re-read it a couple of times, and have recommended it to others countless times.

If you want to sign up for Rajesh Setty’s newsletter, you can do so by clicking this link.

Read More

A good book for our times

I just read my friend Rajesh Setty’s new book, “Upbeat: Cultivating the right attitude in tough times.”  I’ve been a fan of Rajesh’s work since I discovered him through his book “Beyond Code,” a couple of years ago.

This book is a perfect book for anyone who’s feeling victimized by today’s financial crises as it was prepared specifically to help people deal with today’s environment.  That said, I found a lot in this book that will help with improving your outlook on life, in general.

The approach Rajesh takes in this book upbeat coverwill help you decide whether you’ll be a victim of circumstance, or whether you’ll take responsibility for your own well being and try to improve your lot in life.  From there, he provides a number of examples and insightful observations to help you figure out how to overcome obstacles and anxiety.

Not just a “feel good” book

Don’t worry – this is not just a “feel good and good things will happen to you” kind of book.  Rajesh is a serial entrepreneur and has had lots of experience with both setbacks and successes, and he rolls all that experience into this short book.

The book is organized around 5 key areas:

  1. The Trap – this is how to keep the “gloom and doom” of everyday conversation from eroding your spirit, as well as how to look for the opportunities that will take you to the next level.
  2. The Discipline – this is about rituals and habits, as well as becoming a “lean and mean” player in the world.
  3. The Network – this is the traditional “help and be helped” networking approach, but also about how not to misuse networking tools (i.e. when Facebook becomes Fakebook).
  4. The Strategy – this is all about honing your focus and taking deliberate action.
  5. The Action – this deals with a notion I think of as “do the things you want to be known for” which will increase your chances of success when people are looking for a new member of their team.

The “Upbeat DIY Helpbook”

While the first part of the book focuses a lot on attitude, persistence, and commitment, the appendix is kind of like a set of mini-workshops.  Rajesh calls it the “Upbeat DIY Helpbook” and it creates short, introspective exercises to help move you along the right path.  I found that it put a fine point on many of the abstract concepts introduced in the beginning of the book and made it all seem more real.

In summary, this is a short book and an easy read, but don’t let it’s diminutive size fool you – there is a lot of power in these pages.  Oh – and I think Upbeat would be a great gift for you to give someone who finds themselves on the wrong side of this economy.

For more on Rajesh, be sure and check out his blog at http://www.lifebeyondcode.com.

Read More

C2R: Complaint to Request

girl_thinking Continuing the spirit of my post about discussion tools, I want to share a technique we’re trying out at work.  It’s called “Complaint to Request,” or C2R, for short.  It’s an easy approach and it is working well so far.  Here is the gist of this technique:

  • When you hear a complaint turn it around by saying something like, “I understand.  How can we turn that complaint into a request?”

This kind of question accomplishes a couple of things.  It acknowledges the issue and – more importantly – it shifts the conversation into “solution mode” and helps engage the complainer in thinking about how things could be better. 

We discussed the technique during a managers’ meeting and I must admit I thought this was a “looks good on paper” kind of concept, and didn’t think it would really work.  Nonetheless, I decided to try it out to see what happened. 

That night at dinner, I had the perfect opportunity to give it a try with one of my daughters:

Daughter: “Dad, you gave me an orange today in my lunch and that made me mad.  It was messy and I got orange gunk under my fingernails.”
Me: “I understand.  Now – how can we turn that complaint into a request?”
Daughter: (without missing a beat) “When you make my lunch, can you either cut up the oranges or give me another kind of fruit, like an apple?  And please put a napkin in the lunch bag.”
Me: “OK, I’ll do that.  Thank you for letting me know.”

I was fascinated by how well it worked, and how easy it was.  I didn’t tell my daughter I was “trying some new Jedi mind trick” or anything like that – I just tried the technique.  Since then, I’ve tried it a number of times at home and at work, and it generally gets good results.

The other thing this has done for me:  When I catch myself complaining about something, I try to think of a way to turn my complaint into a request.

If you try this out, let me know if it works for you.

Read More

[Review] Who’s Got Your Back

gotyourback Keith Ferrazzi’s latest book, “Who’s Got Your Back,” is about developing an inner circle of advisors who will never let you fail. This book is both inspiring and actionable – a very strong combination. 

Superheroes and Mere Mortals

I found this book to be a very reasonable and achievable approach – in other words, something I believe I can actually do.  Why do I mention this?  Well, when I read Keith’s first book “Never Eat Alone,” I was inspired but very intimidated – “Never Eat Alone” felt very compelling, but I believed Keith must be some kind of Superhero to be able to do all of the things he described in any sustained way.

In “Who’s Got Your Back,” Keith shares some of his challenges and helps us see that he is Mere Mortal after all.  In fact, he talks about how some of the relationship skillz he mentions in “Never Eat Alone” were missing inside his company.  [I can relate – I do a much better with communication, organization, and relationship management at work than I do at home.]

He then goes on to share how he has found 3 key people in his life that provide him with unvarnished feedback, encouragement, and input on life strategies.  These are the 3 people who will not let him fail – the 3 people who have “got his back.”

Five key learnings

I got a pre-release copy of this book and got an email from Keith asking me to summarize my five most compelling ideas, anecdotes or lessons that stuck with me.  I thought that was a good approach for this review, so here are mine:

  1. Generosity, Vulnerability, Candor, and Accountability are the currency required to bring people into your inner circle.  You have to invest in relationships with others, and trust comes from investing these four things.
  2. “Each of us is responsible for creating the safe place around us.”  When I read this line, I had a flashback to my post from a few years ago about taking responsibility for your own well-being.  In the context of this book, that means we are each responsible for creating the environment / demeanor that invites others in.  Sometimes, that may also mean explicitly inviting them in.
  3. “Give and Let Give.”  It’s great to be a mentor or give of your talents to others – it can be quite another thing to be able to accept the gifts and talents others share with you.  If you feel you aren’t worthy of others’ attention or “investment” it can be difficult to ask for help or accept it when it’s given.  You are worthy, and “they” are helping you because they want to – accept the help graciously.
  4. You can’t rush trust.  Throughout the book, Keith talks about having conversations over “long, slow dinners.”  Relationships take time and if you rush things or try to do too much at once, you probably won’t enjoy them as much.  Trust takes time to build – they don’t sell trust in the drive-through lane. 
  5. If you and your mentor aren’t being candid, something is wrong.  This works two ways:  1) they need to know how you (really) feel and what’s important to you, even if it’s hard to talk about; 2) they need to be able to tell you the straight scoop, even if it’s not something you want to hear.  If you have the right mentor, and you’ve created the safe place around that relationship, you can make this work – if it doesn’t feel safe, review 1-4, above, and see if you can figure out what’s missing.  Still not feeling it?  Have no fear, the book will help you get there.

Step by step, you’ll get there

This book does a great job of providing specific steps to help you through the process of building your inner circle.  I’m still working through it, but the steps are clear and concrete so I think you’ll be able to apply them on your own.  Keith also includes a lot of examples from his own life and these stories help you get a feel for what’s required of you at each step.

You’ll find a bunch of other inspiring stories, too – like the one about two real estate pros that had complementary strengths who worked together and were more successful than either could be alone.  Powerful stuff.

“Who’s Got Your Back” touts itself as a program “…to build deep, trusting relationships that create success – and won’t let you fail.”  I think it delivers.

Read More

Two Good Discussion Tools

Discussion.jpg A couple of years ago, one of my mentors taught me a couple of good “tools” to faciliate good discussion.  Today, I was telling someone about them and I thought they were worth sharing.  I have used these on countless occasions and they have served me well.  Give them a try and let me know what you think.

The Magic Wand question

This question is simple, yet powerful: 

“If you could wave a magic wand, what would I be doing for you?” or

“If you could wave a magic wand, what would I be doing differently?”

The nature of this question makes it ideal for uncovering requirements, unlocking expectations, and determining someone’s ideal situation.  I think the notion of a magic wand gets people to think a bit more boldly, since they don’t necessarily have to think about practical constraints.

“An argument could be made…”

When you’re dealing with a touchy subject it can sometimes be difficult to have an objective discussion.  Rather than saying things like, “I think you should…” or “Here’s what I would do…” try reframing the statement by beginning with:  “An argument could be made…”

This subtle shift can make the question feel less personal, and you are more likely to have an objective discussion about the topic.  For example:  compare the following statements:

“An argument could be made to scrap this project completely – what are the implications of that?”
versus
“I think we should kill the project.”

Which approach is more likely to drive a productive discussion?

Read More