How To Stop Ruining Your Own Life

While preparing your goals for the coming year, have you reviewed what you did last year? Were you happy with the results? If the answer is no, maybe some further introspection is required - and I have a few simple questions you can use to get right to the point.

What have you done?

A long time ago, a mentor of mine used to tell me:

“Pretend that you create everything that happens to you. When you you find yourself in a situation that you're not happy with, ask yourself, 'What have I done to create the situation for myself?'  

"In most cases, you'll find something that you did - or failed to do - that brought you to this point."

I've used this technique many times on my own, and I love it.  This method forces you to turn the tables on yourself and look at things in a different light.

Once you identify what you've done to create your own bad situation, then ask yourself:

"What can I do in the future to create different outcomes that are more desirable?"

As you come up with possible solutions you want to try out, write them down and resolve to try altering your behaviors in the future.  Then, monitor yourself to see how these changes impact the outcomes.

A personal example

I used to work with someone that dumped half-finished projects in my lap and expected me to save the day by getting them done.  Because I wanted the company to be successful, I'd take them on and finish the projects, they would take credit for the results, and I'd end up really irritated.  But I kept doing it anyway (I know, shame on me).

During one of my reflection exercises, I became consciously aware of what I'd been doing.  I vowed never to make another "diving catch" to do something for this person that they should have done for themselves.  To make this easier, I came up with several useful strategies to say no gracefully and I put my new plan into practice.

A few months later, I was much happier, and this person's poor performance became noticeable enough for our boss to address it as a performance issue.

In other words, this really works (at least for me).  Let me know how it goes for you.

Improve the odds of keeping your New Year's resolution

It's that time of year - the time for New Year's resolutions, new promises, and fresh starts.  If you're like me, some of them work out and others don't.  What's the problem when they don't work?  For me, it can be easy to just let things slide because there aren't any consequences for being a slacker.  When they do work out, it's usually because I feel a sense of obligation or accountability, so I don't end up letting myself off the hook.

This past year, I discovered a resource that can make a big difference in your chances of success in 2013.  The tool?  Beeminder.  I've written about Beeminder before, but wanted to revisit it in the context of New Year's resolutions - I think Beeminder is one of the best tools around to maintain individual accountability.

Accountability - and consequences - matter in New Year's Resolutions

The concept behind Beeminder is pretty simple: you set a goal, you pledge some money, you use the Beeminder site to track your progress, and if you don't meet your commitment you pay up.

My commitment, as reflected in my Beeminder project this year, was to post to this blog at least 4 times per month.  There was something very motivating about having the pressure of my commitment hanging over me - Beeminder helped me establish a new set of consistent habits for writing blog posts, even if my initial pledge was $5.

Even reinforcements are not silver bullets

Even with the commitment and penalty in place, I fell off my path once along the way.  What did I do?  I got back on the horse, paid my penalty, and set a new commitment amount of $10.  That pricier commitment has been a big help - I have been consistent about posting here at least 4 times per month and, with this post, I will satisfy my 2012 goal - pretty cool.

Time to set a new goal

Now, as we move into 2013, I will be setting a new goal to keep my momentum here on the blog.  I'm planning to set a goal of at least 52 blog posts in 2013, and will maintain my current financial commitment of $10 and, of course, I'll be using Beeminder to track my progress.

If you want to learn more, there are some great examples at the Beeminder site, such as losing weight, exercising more, quitting smoking, becoming more productive, achieving financial goals, learning new languages, and a lot more.  By the way - during this year, I've interacted with the Beeminder team quite a bit.  If you have questions about how to best represent a goal on Beeminder, reach out to them - they have been extremely helpful in getting my goals to work the way I expect them to within the Beeminder system.

If you want to see what goal tracking looks like, you can see my status graph for my 2012 goal at this link.  Going forward, you can follow my 2013 goal at this link.

And stay tuned - I'm going to share some other resources to help with resolutions and productivity in my first post in 2013.

Your Best Just Got Better - A Review

I've been reading Jason Womack's book, "Your Best Just Got Better," on my Kindle for the past week or so.  I just finished it and the verdict is in: It is so well done!

I met Jason a few years ago when he still worked for the David Allen Company, and have been impressed with his perspective from day one, particularly his ability to provide insightful suggestions to improve your skills no matter what your current situation.

Expand your perspective to improve your outcomes

This book is very interesting, practical, energizing and I highly recommend it.  Throughout, Jason offers hands-on exercises to get you into a more active mode of driving your own future.  I read the book cover-to-cover, but now I am planning to go back and conduct the exercises step-by-step (I skipped some exercises because I was on planes, or my energy / attention levels weren't where they needed to be) because I can see just how powerful they can be.

One pervasive theme throughout the book is to think beyond your "normal" perspective so you can stretch your goals, drive different and better effort, and get more assertive in pushing your life where you want it to go.  For example, the book begins with an interesting visioning exercise called "Your Ideal Day," which gets you to begin imagining how things could be if you had a magic wand.  If you want a taste of this, be sure and check out Jason's web site for a sample, along with a contest that goes through the end of 2012.

One of the things I like about Jason is that he uses a lot of models and constructs that make sense to me (I'm big on finding models that I can apply in different situations.  For example, I like the I.D.E.A. model that shows up throughout the book:

I: Identify a very specific area you want to improve. Focus your attention on making the best better in one area of your life, and clarify what that will look like when you get there.

D: Develop strategies to engage in specific actions and techniques to direct your professional improvement and personal development. Acknowledge the process—remember, you’re just getting started! An important aspect is that the most sustainable changes people tend to make usually start small, are repeated with consistency, and often result in a payoff greater than anyone could have hoped.

E: Experiment by planning for and taking actions that generate bursts of momentum. Experimenting gives you the freedom to stop at any time to try something new. It also provides a more objective framework so that you can determine whether you should stop or continue moving forward. When you take actions to make your best better, it continues to get better.

A: Assess the value the effort has created. Here is the question I consistently ask myself, my friends, my family, even my clients: “Is what you’re doing worth the effort?”

Womack, Jason W. (2012-01-05). Your Best Just Got Better: Work Smarter, Think Bigger, Make More (p. 5). John Wiley and Sons. Kindle Edition.

 Shape your own outcomes

Jason also provides some great advice in shaping the results you get in your life - one involves adjusting the words you use to create more positive, future-oriented results; the other involves taking inventory of the people you hang out with, and distancing yourself from those that have a negative or counter-productive influence on you.  Truly great advice.

You'll find some familiar concepts (including some I've written about in the past, like time audits) and they're always presented with solid step-by-step methods to help you apply the concepts.  For example, you'll find some great techniques for more effective "chunking" (aka time boxing) your day to get more out of each 15-minute block in your day.  You'll also find good techniques to track how you're doing on your goals, as well as how well you're using your energy to get there.As someone who's always looking for ways to become more productive, I eat this stuff up.  

This book is that it isn't just about getting more done, Jason also coaches you on methods you can use to make more money - that's something we can all use, particularly in this economy.  And Jason's advice on how to build and leverage your network (business, social, etc) is excellent.  Very cool.

A great book for "now"

Lately, I've noticed that a lot of people I know are taking hard looks at their lives - either to increase their success, make more money, or fig our out what's next for them.  If that sounds like you, this book is perfect for you right now, and I encourage you to pick up a copy and get started going through the exercises.

If you aren't sure, or you want to get a feel for Jason's writing style, why not start with a free e-book from him called, "7 Keys To A More Productive Day," from Jason Womack's web site.

If you're convinced and ready to jump in, grab a copy of "Your Best Just Got Better," today.  By the way - I think this book will be a great gift for some recent graduates I know, as well as great gifts this holiday season for some of my good friends.

Begin with the end in mind

I have been traveling a lot the past couple of weeks and was catching up on my reading today, when I learned that Stephen R. Covey died on July 17, 2012.  Apparently, he had a bicycle accident back in April and died of complications from the accident.  I am sad to see him go.

Back in the late 80's, I started to get into time management in an effort to be more productive.  Like many people at the time, I began with a Franklin Planner and even took a course on how to use it.  The Franklin method made a big impact on me and helped me begin my decades-long relationship with productivity methods.  In the 90's, I discovered Covey's book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," which helped me re-frame why I did things and helped me more consciously work on more impactful activities.  This matrix is one I still think about as I plan what I want to work on:

From this book, I began to embrace the "Sharpen the Saw" concept and tried to spend more time in Quadrant 2, Important but Not Urgent.  I also learned the value of outcome-oriented thinking with his principle to "Begin With the End In Mind," and tried to create mutually beneficial results with his admonition to "Seek First To Understand."  Very powerful and motivating stuff.

Dr. Covey's work has influenced me quite a bit - in fact, my first post on this blog was a review of his book, "The 8th Habit."

I have since turned to other methods for the "how" part of productivity (such as David Allen's Getting Things Done, and my current favorite system, Michael Linenberger's Master Your Workday Now), but Stephen Covey's work is still my anchor for the "why" part of productivity.

Rest in peace, Dr. Covey - and congratulations on a fine legacy.

Sharpen your saw with THINKBook

A while back, I bought a THINKBook, which was developed by my old friend Rajesh Setty.  The problem?  I got busy and forgot I had it, so I just got around to using it a few weeks ago.  I am very impressed with this unassuming little notebook.

What the heck is a THINKBook?

In simple terms, a THINKBook is a hard-bound red notebook, about the size of a Moleskine notebook.  But it's way more than that; sure, it has ruled paged you can use for writing, but it is more than just a general purpose notebook.. This is a thinking person's journal, for challenging your thinking.  

The thinking challenges are framed by "prompters" on various topics interspersed throughout the THINKBook (see the example on the right).  There are a bunch of topics relevant to both business and personal introspection, and I like them very much.  Full disclosure, I didn't think I'd like them at first, but I surrendered to the process, tried a couple and found that they were very useful.

The structure of the prompter exercises in the book really pushes you to think at a fairly deep level, and definitely promotes "out of the box thinking."  It feels very soothing to follow this process and begin writing journal entries in the THINKBook - this is all about crystallizing your thoughts and devoting some time for your own improvement.  That's something a lot us us don't take time out to do, and I think we'd all be better off with some periodic deep thinking.

Spread the Thinking

I really like one of the suggestions from the THINKBook web site, which is to use the THINKBook as a personal and professional gift.  I particularly like the thought of giving it as a business gift, and I just may try that to see how people react.

I like the framing of the "why" behind the THINKBook, according to Rajesh:

THINKBook makes it easy to pull your people’s own best advice out of them. It can be used to super-charge group brainstorming sessions or as a trusted advisor to help you improve the brilliant idea keeping you awake at 3am.

Pretty cool, don't you think?

If you could use some time working on your own creativity and mental health, I encourage you to  grab a THINKBook and give the process a chance.  And, if you like it why not give one as a gift to someone you like (a new one, not your old used one)?