Genuine Curiosity

Author Dwayne Melancon is always on the lookout for new things to learn. An ecclectic collection of postings on personal productivity, travel, good books, gadgets, leadership & management, and many other things.

 

Do you like a speckled ax?

I'm reading Walter Isaacson's "Benjamin Franklin: An American Life" right now, and it's interesting how relevant it is to some of the things I'm focusing on (and struggling with). I'd always heard that Franklin carried a notebook with him, and that he wrote down his virtues (core values) and systematically worked to improve himself in those specific areas.

What I didn't know was how tempted he was to not do those things. For example, one of the virtues he struggled with was:

"Order: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time."

Hey - that sounds like something I'd like to do, and something I work on!

How relieved I was to find out that Franklin had trouble with that one, too. According to Isaacson's account:

[Franklin] likened himself to the hurried man who goes to have his ax polished but after a while loses patience and declares, "I think I like a speckled ax best."

I certainly identify with that one. Pick up this book (click on the title above to see it on Powell's, the best bookstore in the world) if you haven't read it - it's very well done, and great for aspiring productivity geeks like me.

Next time I'll talk about how Franklin kept score to track how well he did with his Virtues.

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The joy of emptiness

Whew. I just returned from a business trip and had a nice, long, 5+ hour flight home last night. It was great. Why?

That time gave me the chance to do a weekly review and get my inboxes to empty for the first time since... can you believe it... January 6. Man, that had been bugging me.

It's been a busy year both personally and professionally so far, and I kept putting off the core of David Allen's Getting Things Done - I wasn't doing my weekly review.

If you've never basked in the glow of an empty inbox, you don't know what you're missing. And the weekly review is the only way to get there feeling clean, fresh, and new. (The delete all method just makes you paranoid - trust me on that one.)

So why had I been so lame on weekly reviews? Clues were raining down on me - undoubtedly attracted by my guilty subconscious and aided by happenstance or divine intervention.

I was succumbing to the Resistance I'd read about in The War of Art, which someone happened to suggest to me when I really needed to read it. I found a nice diversion in trying out an Audiovox xv6600 Pocket PC in one of the "new device binges" I mentioned a while back (I just switched back to my trusty Treo 600 using GoodLink for mail and calendaring, and using Chapura's KeySuite for synching my notes and action lists with Outlook). Even as I wrote about them here, I was falling into the same old patterns.

Thank goodness for long flights with bad movies. Thank goodness for an empty inbox.

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Caveat Mentor

Along the lines of my last post, I've been talking with some folks about business mentoring. Based on those conversations, I have a strawman set of ideas I'd like to float out there:

Mentoring is about intent

Start the relationship with your mentor understanding what each of you intends to give and get in this equation. It is even more powerful if you write down the intended results and what each person is committing to do (or not do) in the relationship.

Mentoring is not aimless conversation

Mentoring is best when focused on a particular improvement area, or a series of finite focus areas. For example, if you have one aspect of your life or skills you'd like to be coached on, decide on a goal for that area and focus on it until you consider it "done enough" to close it off, then move to the next area of focus.

Mentoring is about openness

If you are the mentor, be open and direct with the "mentee." If you are the mentee, remember that you asked for this help and try to apply what your mentor is suggesting.

It may take a while to build mutual trust, so stick with it for a bit if it feels uncomfortable at first.

Mentoring should not be vague or scary

If you are seeking a mentor, don't get too caught up in the "I'm not worthy" trap. Writing down a specific thing (or things) you would like to learn from the mentor will make this easier for both parties.

Review your objectives with your prospective mentor so they can let you know whether they can really help. 

If you are asked to be a mentor, don't get too caught up in the "I'm not worthy" trap. You're being asked out of respect (and admiration), and you probably have some good perspective to share.

Mentoring is about commitment and mutual value

Don't enter into a mentoring relationship lightly. Both sides must commit to the relationship and do their part to keep it productive and on course. In a productive mentoring relationship, you should walk away from each meeting feeling energized and supported, even though you may also feel challenged and humble.

Those are some of my observations so far. I'd love your input  on other aspects, omissions, or things you think I've gotten wrong.

Also, one of the things I haven't cracked the code on just yet:

How do you find a great mentor?

I've been fortunate in my life in that I find myself in the midst of Great people and have been able to get some great mentoring along the way. Maybe it's just "tuning my radio to the right frequency" and I listen to the mentor channel. I don't know.

For those of you that have sought your own mentors and found them, what worked?

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Don't be like Howard Hughes

I was talking with a friend the other day on the subject of mentoring and he made an astute observation. He'd just seen "The Aviator" which chronicles Howard Hughes' life. (Apparently, he's been interested in Hughes "since before it recently became fashionable.")

His observation was that Howard Hughes had a lot of eccentricities as a younger man, but never had a mentor to help him "rub off" his imperfections. As Hughes grew older, those eccentricities turned into neuroses and there was still nobody to rub them off. Finally, those neuroses progressed into psychosis and he died a paranoid, phobic man (albeit a very rich one) with little contact with the outside world.

There are a lot of "parts" to mentoring - you have to be willing to ask for help, you have to be willing to accept help, and you have to find someone who's willing to give you help, etc.

I'm not sure which one of those kept Howard Hughes from finding someone to help him rub off the imperfections of his psyche, but I think we can reflect and take this as a challenge.

Learn from Howard Hughes. We may all have the potential to end up like him. But take heart - there are lots of good people who'll help, if you just decide what you want and ask for help getting it.

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Genuine Curiosity

In an earlier post, I mention one of my mentors, Barry Rhein, and one of the things I've learned from him. Another concept he espouses that I've taken to heart is about "being genuinely curious" in your interactions with others. This has opened up doors in how I communicate with others - customers, co-workers, my wife, my kids, you name it.

The concept is this: when you're talking to people about stuff, rather than trying to connect the dots in your own mind (i.e. jump to conclusions or make assumptions), hold back a bit on that tendency and ask another open ended question. Simple, but it'll make a difference in what you learn, how open people are to you, and how much you connect with them.

For example, one of the things I practice is seeing how long I can talk with someone while only asking open-ended questions. Not in a juvenile "made you look" kind of way - just to see how much I can find out.

Some of the most useful questions I've learned for this are things like:

"Really?"

"Why'd you do that?"

"What was that like?"

"Why do you think they did that?"

"What's up with that?"

"So, what are you going to do?"

Give it a try. Ask them in an "I really want to know more" kind of way. If it feels awkward, keep trying. Personally, I find it easier in a work context, but I think it's more valuable in a personal context.

What I've found is that it starts as a novelty, but you'll end up actually becoming more curious and more interested in what people are all about. And that's not a bad thing.

What do you think about that?

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