Families are mightier than legislation

I generally try to avoid ranting here, but I'll do just a bit of that today.

In the past couple of years, there have been a lot of tragic acts of violence, such as the one this past week in Boston.  According to what we're told by the media, there is a thread between the perpetrators of violence:  they all had family problems or parental issues, and became bitter about something.

In dealing with some crises within my own family over the past few years, we've gotten some great advice from one of our doctors: spend more time together as a family; pay more attention to what your children are doing ("be nosy" is her description); and eat dinner together as a family.​  It isn't so much the dinner itself, as the excuse to get together and talk about things in a casual but interested way.

This was hard and frustrating at first, and we felt very inadequate (especially for the first year).  In fact, we resorted to "Table Topics" cards in the beginning to help us figure out how to get the conversation going.  Surprisingly, the family dinners every night have made a huge difference in our ability to communicate.

It was tough to have good conversations in the beginning, but we learned to ask better questions and to stay away from emotional lightning rods.  We also learned to be better listeners without jumping right to judgment or attacks.

Slow and steady wins the race

We've been doing this consistently for a couple of years now, and it has made a marked difference in the strength of our family, the moods and outlook of our children, ​and the relationships between us.

We are by no means perfect, but we're better off than we were when we spent all our time running different directions and being "too busy to eat together."  

Of course, I travel a fair amount in my job so we aren't always together at dinner, but there is always one of us parents eating with the kids, talking with them, and keeping tabs on how they are doing.  I also call and text with my kids a lot from the road - which I didn't do in the past.​

 The bottom line?  We thought we were paying attention as parents before - we've found out we were wrong.​

Laws are no substitute for family

I bring this up because I see a lot of laws designed to prevent "the next senseless act of violence," and I don't believe laws will help.  I think we need to find ways for people to spend time with their families and build stronger connections, stronger values, and to provide outlets (safety valves?) for those with serious emotional or psychological stress, who may feel that nobody cares.  No law can do that.​

Making a shift like this can be scary, since you may feel unprepared to have probing conversations with your children, or you may want to be their friend vs. their parent.  Or, you may not know how to deal with the anger and angst of a teenager.​

The only way I know is to "just do it" and get some help from a counselor that can help you develop the skills, confidence, and techniques to get through to the other side.​

It isn't easy, but it's worth it.  Start by doing it for your kids, but trust me - you'll get as much out of it as they will.

Maybe none of this would have prevented any of the recent acts of violence, but I don't think it would have made things worse.​

</rant>​

Temptation and strengthening your will

I was just reading an interesting article by Peter Bregman on the Harvard Business Review blogs, called "How to Use Temptation to Strengthen Your Willpower."​  It first caught my eye because he was writing about a retreat at a place near where I live in Oregon.

But what really got my attention was the notion of "always wanting more" phenomenon (aka the Hedonic Treadmill) that he describes:​

We relentlessly pursue things and experiences that we think will make us happier. But once we acquire them, we quickly return to our previous level of happiness. So then we look for the next thing.

This sounds familiar to me, as my love for gadgets is kind of like this, to name one of my "vices."  Another thing in his article resonated with me, as well:​

Maybe getting the object of our desire isn't what we really desire. Maybe it's the desire itself which we desire. In other words, maybe it's more pleasurable to want things than to have them.​

In other words, maybe the quest for what we want is worth more than getting it.  In some cases, I think that is certainly true, but we also need to obtain​ enough of our desired outcomes to drive our sense of progress, as well as to allow us allow us to move to the next phase of our journey.

The big question:  when does our questing become detrimental?  From my experience, there is a fine line between healthy focus and obsessive / compulsive pursuit, or even an addiction.  This is where I find that an objective coach or mentor can be a huge ally - whether it is a friend, coworker, roommate, spouse, or someone else you can trust to be straight with you (like a "sponsor" in a 12-step program).

The other aspect that I really liked about Bregman's article is the notion of using delayed gratification to make the experience more pleasant once you release the tension.  I encourage you to read what Bregman has to say - it is really good.​

Travel Survival Tip: Dealing with blisters on your heels

On more than a few occasions, I've worn new shoes on a business trip and been miserable because my heel(s) developed blisters because the shoes weren't broken in yet.  It makes for a miserable trip.  Fortunately, you don't have​ to suffer.

Moleskin to the rescue

Several years ago, I discovered that there was a great solution to this problem: Moleskin (not to be confused with the Moleskine notebooks - they are a completely different thing).​ Before discovering moleskin, I used Band Aids, but they just didn't stay on very well.

Moleskin is a felt-like fabric with an adhesive coating on one side.  You can find it at most pharmacies, or stores with pharmacies in them (such as many grocery stores and Target).​  It is in the foot care section, along with show inserts, corn pads, and things like that.

To use it, simply cut a square that will cover your blister (or the red area where a blister or "hot spot" is developing), apply it directly to the skin over the blister, then put your socks and shoes back on.

If you already have a blister, it will still hurt, but it won't get worse, and it won't hurt as much.  If you don't have a blister yet, moleskin can keep one from developing.​

Each day, replace the square with a fresh pad.  I find that the moleskin is easier to remove if I take it off after my shower - it's waterlogged anyway at that point, so it is a great time to apply a fresh pad.​

Keep putting it on there until the blister is healed, or your shoes no longer hurt your feet.​

​Plan ahead for more pleasant travel

With moleskin, it can pay to plan ahead.  You see, moleskin is sold in larger sheets or rolls so you need to cut it -- that can be challenging these days, since it is difficult to travel with scissors.

I buy moleskin and cut it into small squares (roughly 1" square, or 2.5cm square) and put them into my laptop bag so I have some handy if my shoes begin to irritate my feet. This has helped me on at least 4 occasions I can remember, and I make sure moleskin is a permanent part of my travel gear.

Stand up & ditch bad habits: Ways to improve creativity & productivity

Productivity — an overarching term, for sure, and your productivity can be increased or reduced by various internal and external forces. Whether it's an ambitious personality, lifestyle habits, elevated work expectations, or an innovative environment, the level of sustained work productivity is influenced by a lot of factors. For creative professionals such as writers and graphic design experts, maximizing creativity and improving productivity are essential for a successful career. The good news?  Changing your environment and breaking norms can help enhance your productivity and creativity.

Stand-Up Desks & Walking Stations

Most of us have experienced the fatigue of sitting at a desk in front of a monitor for a long time. Extensive studies confirm that a sedentary lifestyle is linked to a shorter lifespan and increased risk of certain diseases, high-cholesterol levels, blood clots and inflammation. Prolonged sitting is harsh on your body and exhaustive, and those of us who are slaves to desks and computers are reminded of the health risks.  So what can we do about it?

I've been thinking of replacing my traditional desk with an adjustable-height desk.  I think it would be a fun change of pace, but I've also been reading about some of the health benefits of standing desks.  For example, Dr. Ron Joine (vice president and medical director of GlaxoSmithKline's environmental health and safety group) says that standing while working stimulates the mind, increases energy levels and can burn up to 200 calories per day.

Change is good, too.  I've been reading that it is healthy to switch things up by using different ways of working, such as standing desks, traditional desks, walking stations (treadmill desks) and desks with yoga balls. The notion is that by moving around more, your productivity and efficiency will increase, which also boosts morale, optimizes health and sparks creativity.

For a long time, I've found that if I stand during conference calls I am more focused and the calls are not only more productive, they tend to wrap up more quickly - less wasted time, in other words.​

Performance Norms & Habits

Sitting vs. standing is only one dimension of this - you can reduce periods of low productivity by breaking bad habits, revamping your routines, changing up norms and setting more aggressive goals for yourself.

As a leader of a team, raise "the bar of performance expectations by setting elevated goals" and measure performance progress, says Forbes.com contributor Jack Zenger, a strengths-based leadership development expert. You can start by assessing where you are -- give yourself an honest performance evaluation. How would you rate your ongoing level of productivity? Mike Myatt, Managing Director of N2grwoth, tells Forbes.com that he gives himself "hourly gut checks." For 20 years, Myatt asks himself every single hour, "am I doing the most productive thing possible at this point in time?" If the answer is no, change gears an focus on something productive. I think this is an interesting approach to make accountability a person habit.  If you want to do this, a timer (on your computer, or a kitchen timer) can help remind you to ask yourself this question.

Create new, productivity-enhancing norms such as:

• Fuel up in a healthy way and nourish your body with nutrient-rich foods. Focus on how superfoods make you feel. Eating sugary or fatty foods in large portions makes you feel sluggish and dulls the brain. Sharpen your mind and creativity with vitamin and nutrient-rich fuel.
• Maintain a productive workspace that's free of distractions and clutter. Keep your desk minimally decorated and you're less likely to "drift off" while you work. Is your desk optimized for work and focused intention?
• Make small changes to feel refreshed and eliminate the mundane. Recharge by changing anything from the type of coffee you drink and lunch you eat to the light and sounds of your surroundings. If you have the luxury to work from home, add some variety by occasionally working at the library or different coffee shops as a change of scenery.

​What about you?  Do you any tips and tricks that help you feel more productive?  Have you switched to a standing desk?  I'd love to know what is working for you.

Five Great Books on Motivation and Success

When you look at people who are successful and happy, do you ever wonder, "What's their secret? Why do they get to have it all?”

The secret is simple: There is no secret. Most people we classify as successful will tell you there is no magic formula or golden ticket that has led them down the path to prosperity. To a large degree, it comes down to careful planning, smart choices and a great attitude.

Timeless lessons

If you browse the "books" category of my site, you'll notice that I review a lot of current (or at least recent) books on management, leadership, self-improvement, etc.  This week, I though it would be fun to jump into the "wayback machine" and take a look at some of the best self-improvement books from the past.  

There are plenty of well-known figures who have shared their strategies and tips for success, and we can increase our odds of success by reading and reflecting on their books. Famous motivational speakers like Tony Robbins, religious leaders like Joel Osteen and Ed Young and scholarly experts like David Schwartz have written books offering motivation, inspiration and sound advice to help anyone prosper.

The list of successful professionals who can offer significant insight into being successful and happy isn't limited to modern-day writers. If you're looking to change the trajectory of your life with regards to business, family, romantic relationships or spirituality, check out the advice from some of these gurus (by they way - each of the book titles below is a live link to the book on Amazon):

"Awaken the Giant Within" by Tony Robbins

You may have heard of Tony Robbins, or seen one of his infomercials on TV. In this book, he takes on mental, physical, emotional and financial health and gives us a lot to think about. Robbins is famous for laying out step-by-step plans to improve yourself, and this book is no different - the techniques are very good and practical.  This book is 30 years old, but I think it stands the test of time, and so does Robbins.  Now in his 50's, he has reached over 50 million people over his 30-year speaking career - that's about a million people per year of his life.  Not too shabby.

"In the Zone" by Ed Young

Ed Young shares biblical principles about what it means to live a productive and rewarding life. Young is the founding pastor of Fellowship Church in Grapevine, Texas, and shares how and why we should avoid materialism, to increase the amount of hope and joy in our lives. "In the Zone" also gives actionable advice on escaping debt, achieving financial freedom and managing the resources we've been given.

"Rich Dad, Poor Dad" by Robert Kiyosaki

Robert Kiyosaki's well-known personal finance book discusses money from the perspective of two fathers. The poor/middle class dad works for his money, bringing home paychecks to sustain his family. The rich dad's money works for him. Kiyosaki discusses the philosophies that allowed him to retire at 47 and reveals actions you can take now to reach financial security and freedom.  There are a bunch of interesting financial habits in this book, and you'll benefit even if you only apply a few of them.  Good stuff.

"The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale

Norman Vincent Peale's inspirational classic has been translated into 12 languages and reprinted for a global audience. First published in 1952, this book outlines how to achieve popularity, overcome defeat, develop confidence and more. Peale believes a life rooted in joyful faith and a positive outlook can lead to these and he gives specific examples of how simple changes in your mental attitude can improve your life.

"How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

This one is a classic, for sure.  Since it was first published back in 1936, Dale Carnegie's legendary motivational book has sold more than 15 million copies. At the heart of the book is a reassuring assertion: that communication, not brilliant insight, is what leads to success. Carnegie describes how readers can get the job they want and improve the job they have. As one of the books that pioneered modern self-improvement books, this is a must-read.