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Genuine Curiosity

Author Dwayne Melancon is always on the lookout for new things to learn. An ecclectic collection of postings on personal productivity, travel, good books, gadgets, leadership & management, and many other things.

 

Pretend you create everything that happens to you

Are you familiar with victim mentality? I was talking to someone the other day who epitomized it - no matter what the topic, he claimed that other people were to blame for all of his problems. I tried all my voodoo about envisioning how it could be different, taking responsibility for your own well being, and all that jazz. Nothin' doin'.

This episode prompted a nice little flashback for me:

I was hanging out with an ex-Microsoft guy named Jim McCarthy about 10 years ago at a software development bootcamp, and he threw something out that has stuck with me to this day.

Jim used this notion of "trying on beliefs" a lot, which means you basically pretend that you believe something even though you may not. Sort of like putting yourself in the other guy's shoes.

Anyway, one of the beliefs he'd get people to try on was to "Pretend that you create everything that happens to you. When you find yourself in a situation you don't like, ask yourself what you did to make it happen to you."

If you flip your perspective on its head, you can inevitably come up with something in the past that contributed to your undesirable present. And, more than likely, you can think of something you could've done differently that might have prevented it.

OK, you ask, how does that help me now? For some people, it may not. For others, it might put you in a reflective mood, and you may be able to get to the next step:

Ask yourself what you can do today that will
a) keep it from getting any worse;
b) make up for the past error;
c) make it better

There's almost always something, but it's hard to see unless you look at the problem from a different perspective.

Got problems? Go ahead - try on the belief. Pretend you create everything that happens to you...

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What good managers do

Just read a great post over on Management Craft, in which Lisa talks about the impact of relationships and behavior on management effectiveness.

Lisa's got some great insight to share about how we can destroy or create success purely based on how we treat other people, and how we choose to interact with them.

I've met plenty of abrasive people who deny that their abrasiveness is a choice - they say things like "That's just the way I'm wired." I think that's a crock. They're just happy with the status quo ("It's working for me...")

In Lisa's article, I love premise 4: "Great Managers Do What Others Won't."

That got me thinking about what the best managers I've worked for. What did they do that the others didn't? It was amazingly easy to tell the difference between the best and the rest, and also very easy to rattle off a list of what set them apart. The best have done things like:

  • Taking an interest in my success.
  • Holding me accountable for my commitments.
  • Telling me the truth. Consistently.
  • Giving me the scoop early when big changes were coming, and trusting me to use the information appropriately.
  • Giving me more than I could handle, but helping me get through it.
  • Taking the time to make sure I learned from my mistakes.
  • Telling me that they appreciated what I was doing.
Yep, that's the kind of stuff good managers do. And I think I can get better at it. Read More

What are the right tools for the job?

I just finished reading my SlackerManager friend's note on the Context Agnostic Toolkit for Managers, which lists some technology-related tools that help you out in just about any field. I believe there is another set of tools: a Context Agnostic Mental Toolkit for Managers. Please indulge me in a story, as I attempt to explain.

As you may know from some of my posts, I help out with my son's Boy Scout troop fairly regularly (as an Assistant Scoutmaster). This past weekend, we were at a district Camporee -- that's an annual event in which a bunch of Boy Scout troops from a scouting district gather together.

I was staffing one of the skills stations which dealt with knot-tying. My job was to help Scouts learn to tie knots they didn't know so they could prepare for a time trial, which involved working together as a patrol to:

  • tie a pile of ropes together to connect them between two poles
  • use 8 different knots
  • use the knots in a specific order
  • suspend a piece of wood off the ground in the middle of this rope chain
  • assign the knots to specific scouts so that everyone must participate

I taught a bunch of Scouts some new skills and details about knots. In the process of teaching and judging, I learned and practiced a lot of things:

  • I didn't know all the knots so I had to quickly learn them myself, well enough to teach them (and grade them)
  • I strove for objectivity in grading them so I could have consistency across the scoring
  • I collaborated with other adults to ensure we were applying consistent standards
  • I practiced my coaching and feedback skills to help young guys (with big egos and/or sensitive natures) when their knots were close, but not quite right
  • I counseled people on how to work together more effectively as a team (part of our grading was on cooperation and coordination of effort within the patrol)
  • I encouraged boys that wanted to quit because they thought they might not win to keep going because there is value in the process

I think I learned more than I taught, and now recognize how universal some of the skills I used can be. With that in mind, I think the Context Agnostic Mental Toolkit for Managers includes things like:

Teachability
It's important that managers remain open to learn new things. Even better if you stay on the lookout for new things to learn (that's what I mean by "genuine curiosity.")
Teaching ability
Managers are more effective when they help others learn new skills, and replicate their expertise in others.
Coaching
Similar to teaching ability, but I think it's subtly different. To me, coaching goes beyond teaching skills and crosses over into guiding the perspective and philosophical approach of others. In advanced stages, I'd call it mentoring.
Objectivity
The ability to look at issues objectively, which recognizes the value of activity, but rewards for results.
Compassion
The ability to maintain a perspective which seeks to preserve the human aspect (psyche, ego, soul, etc.) that's part of everyone we manage.
Synergy
The ability to collaborate, work effectively as a team, and make others part of your efforts.
Passion
Being a good manager starts with wanting to be a good manager. But it's maintained by the drive to be a better manager, and the passion to keep that drive strong.
Focus
I once heard that there is nothing more frightening than passion without focus. Could be true. Focus gets things done, and managers get things done.

I know there are more, and I'm by no means a master of the ones on this list. As managers, just like young scouts trying to tie knots they haven't yet mastered, there is value in the process. And there is always value in improving.

What skills would you add to the list?

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Sharing Chapter 11 - with you!

Don't say I never gave you anything. A few posts back, I mentioned that "Critical Chain" is my recommended starting point for people interested in Goldratts' Theory of Constraints (TOC) process.

Good news - you can read the best chapter of the book, (Chapter 11) online! Check it out at this link on Goldratt's site.

Then when you're hooked, order the book and immerse yourself in TOC.

Thanks to my friend Howard Pierpont for sending me the link! (I faxed Howard a copy of the chapter a few weeks ago, and accidentally left out 2 pages in the middle. He was watching Kojak and immediately sent me an email accusing me of playing mean tricks. One day I hope to make up for spoiling his time with Telly Savallas. It did get him to go searching for this online - couldn't have planned it better.)

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[Updated] Activewords

As I mentioned the other day, I've been trying out ActiveWords at Bren's suggestion. Well, I've seen enough. I'm now a happily registered owner of ActiveWords PLUS!

In addition to the things I mentioned in my previous post regarding the ease of creating Outlook notes and tasks without having to even run Outlook, one of the things that put me over the top was a suggestion from Buzz Bruggeman, the CEO of ActiveWords.

He noticed I was a MindManager user, so he suggested I set up activation words to start my maps. How cool is that? Now, for example, when I want to go to my top-level Project map in MindManager, I simply hit [Ctrl]+[Space] to get the ActiveWords console to pop up, then I enter "prj" and - shazam - my project map comes up!

This is a great productivity-increasing, time-saving app and it's effectively removing barriers to procrastination for me. As you know, I'm a big fan of that.

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Copyright 2005-2015 Dwayne A. Melancon, all rights reserved. Licensed under Creative Commons - see the "About the Author" page for details.